The Key to grow in any type of Relationship

In Ontological Coaching we believe that: “Relationships are created with commitment. They are maintained with trust. And, they grow with communication.” 1 For a long time, we have believed that communicating was simply talking, discarding the fundamental role of the quality of listening in any communication process. We were taught that communication was simply the flow of information from a sender to a receiver who, instead of actively participating in the conversation, only listens and receives information or instructions. This model of classic communication is already obsolete and needs to be replaced by a dynamic communication model where the relationship and the scope of the results that are set as goals in the relationship are the most important objective and not the common “I am right. You are wrong.” Always wanting to be right is the game of our egos and it is the number one enemy of healthy communication.

Always wanting to be right is the game of our egos and it is the number one enemy of healthy communication.Click To Tweet

The Scriptures speak a lot about communication, not only vertical communication (our relationship with God) but also about horizontal communication (our relationship with one another). If we want different results in our marriage, in the upbringing of our children or in the workplace we must commit ourselves to a process of deep transformation that will carry forward the Holy Spirit in our spirit, in our mind, in our emotions, in our language, and in our actions. Romans 12:2 urges us to renew the way we think (literally, discard the old way of thinking completely corrupted by the ego and begin to think differently guided by the Spirit of God and his Word). In the field of communication, James 1:19 teaches us the importance of the quality of listening (“quick to listen, slow to speak”) and the correct management of our emotions through the government of the Holy Spirit in our lives (“slow to get angry”). Because of our flesh, human beings always tend to impose our opinions and ideas on others, regardless of how often they hurt not only the emotions of the other person but also the fabric of the relationship I have with that person. Many of the marital and family problems that plague our society occur at the level of communications.

We need to realize the need for transformation in our lives, our marriages, and families. We need to be renewed and transformed by the Holy Spirit in order to strengthen the relationships that are important in our lives. If we do so we will live happier lives and we will show the world the blessing of lives and families surrendered to the government of God.


  1. Comunicación Productiva en la Era de las Relaciones by Alejandro Marchesán © GAE, 2006