reflections

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The Key to grow in any type of Relationship

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In Ontological Coaching we believe that: “Relationships are created with commitment. They are maintained with trust. And, they grow with communication.” 1 For a long time, we have believed that communicating was simply talking, discarding the fundamental role of the quality of listening in any communication process. We were taught that communication was simply the flow of information from a sender to a receiver who, instead of actively participating in the conversation, only listens and receives information or instructions. This model of classic communication is already obsolete and needs to be replaced by a dynamic communication model where the relationship and the scope of the results that are set as goals in the relationship are the most important objective and not the common “I am right. You are wrong.” Always wanting to be right is the game of our egos and it is the number one enemy of healthy communication.

Always wanting to be right is the game of our egos and it is the number one enemy of healthy communication.Click To Tweet

The Scriptures speak a lot about communication, not only vertical communication (our relationship with God) but also about horizontal communication (our relationship with one another). If we want different results in our marriage, in the upbringing of our children or in the workplace we must commit ourselves to a process of deep transformation that will carry forward the Holy Spirit in our spirit, in our mind, in our emotions, in our language, and in our actions. Romans 12:2 urges us to renew the way we think (literally, discard the old way of thinking completely corrupted by the ego and begin to think differently guided by the Spirit of God and his Word). In the field of communication, James 1:19 teaches us the importance of the quality of listening (“quick to listen, slow to speak”) and the correct management of our emotions through the government of the Holy Spirit in our lives (“slow to get angry”). Because of our flesh, human beings always tend to impose our opinions and ideas on others, regardless of how often they hurt not only the emotions of the other person but also the fabric of the relationship I have with that person. Many of the marital and family problems that plague our society occur at the level of communications.

We need to realize the need for transformation in our lives, our marriages, and families. We need to be renewed and transformed by the Holy Spirit in order to strengthen the relationships that are important in our lives. If we do so we will live happier lives and we will show the world the blessing of lives and families surrendered to the government of God.

Notes:

  1. Comunicación Productiva en la Era de las Relaciones by Alejandro Marchesán © GAE, 2006 ↩
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The Solution to Loneliness

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This Wednesday was Valentine’s Day. For many people, this day means chocolates, roses, a romantic dinner or a movie date. But for others this day is like any other, one more day feeling the weight of loneliness. While some celebrate love, many people are feeling right now the atrocious effects of loneliness.

In a recent study published by Global News here in Canada, the psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that social isolation contributes as strongly to mortality as does smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Yes, you heard that right, loneliness is associated with various health effects such as cardiovascular problems, cellular aging, among others. In said article, Dr. Holt-Lunstad ends up saying: “Our relationships help provide a sense of meaning and purpose in life. And that can translate to better self-care as well as less risk-taking.” 1

Now, in the book of Genesis, we read about how God created the universe. On the six successive days of creation, God spoke and what He said happened. Even more, after every day of creative work God himself confirmed that everything He created was good indeed. Until He noticed that something was not right. Man was alone.Not even the majesty of Eden and the company of all the animal kingdom could fill man’s need for social relationships. God then, in his infinite wisdom, formed from one of Adam’s ribs his wife Eve, his suitable helper and the object of his love. At that precise moment God gave Adam, and by extrapolation to all mankind, the solution to loneliness, this is, love: to receive and give love.

The Father sent his Son into the world so that we can once again experience real love and from there give it to others through the work of the Spirit in our lives.Click To Tweet

Although in the following chapters we see that sin began to sicken the social fibers of humanity, the love cord of God never broke. As the New Testament shows us, the Father sent his Son into the world so that we can once again experience real love and from there give it to others through the work of the Spirit in our lives (not for nothing the first fruit of the Holy Spirit is love). I invite you to let yourself be used by God this week and show your love to those who feel alone. Do not let loneliness take place in your life and in the lives of those around you. You have the solution: God’s love.

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Notes:

  1. Loneliness even unhealthier than obesity, should be a public health priority: psychologist by Leslie Young © Global News, 2018 ↩
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The Impact that a Godly Marriage has in a Godless Society

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In the times we live in, we are seeing more and more how the different institutions that used to hold our culture are being shaken and changed. In this case, the family, that divine and sacred institution that God created since the beginning of times, is currently being attacked from different fronts such as the media, Hollywood, politicians, celebrities, and others.

While back in the days’ songs used to have love and romance between the frame of marriage, nowadays it is totally different. For instance, as I am writing these lines, the #1 song here in Canada according to Spotify is “Despacito”, which by the way doesn’t have a bit of romance in it.

A study conducted by George Barna last year showed that only 53% of millennials (those born between 1977 and 1994) said that family makes up “a lot” of their identity (while 76% of elders, 64% of gen-xers, and 61% of boomers believes that family takes a vital part of their identity) 1. I can hardly imagine what will happen with the next generation (generation Z) if we don’t revert these numbers. This is just frightening.

As the Church we are here to make an impact in the world, not to pass unnoticed by the world.Click To Tweet

The truth is that as the Church we are here to make an impact in the world, not to pass unnoticed by the world. And I believe that marriage and family are the battlegrounds where we need to fight the good fight. As a matter of fact, God is extremely concerned about our marriages and families. Why? Not only because He loves us endlessly but also because our marriages are a prophetic and powerful symbol of the union between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33) and our relationship with our children is an image of His fatherhood (Ephesians 6:1-3).

Even more, in Greek the word “family” is patria, which is the same word we use in Spanish for “homeland”. I believe that our families should be the place where we want and long to be able to find peace, to laugh and cry with confidence, and where we can give and receive love.

If your family is not in this place yet, I invite you to ask the Holy Spirit to come and dwell in your house bringing his peace (Luke 10:5). Invite Jesus to enter your home and then listen to his tender voice announcing to you: “Today salvation has come to this house.” (Luke 19:9)

Notes:

  1. Forming Family Values in a Digital Age. © Barna Group, 2017 ↩
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The Impact that Parents have on their Children

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I believe that children are the greatest gift God can give to a marriage.

In Psalm 127:3, Solomon calls children a heritage, an inheritance, a gift, and a reward from the Lord. Solomon’s father, King David, was someone who knew first hand the joys and challenges that comes with parenthood. Most scholars agree that David had 20 children during his lifetime. Even though he had to face many problems with some of his sons (Amnon, Absalom, and Adonijah), and despite the mistakes he made as a father, in 1 Chronicles 22 David recognized the importance of raising his children according to the Word of God. After God revealed to David that his son Solomon and not he would build the temple of Jerusalem, which by the way was David’s most deep desire, David shows us the path that we as parents should follow: blessing our children and instructing them to walk with God.

Godly parents bless their children and instruct them to walk with God.Click To Tweet

In verses 11 to 13, David prays for his son Solomon saying:

Now, my son, the Lord be with you, and may you have success and build the house of the Lord your God, as he said you would. May the Lord give you discretion and understanding…. so that you may keep the Law of the Lord YOUR God… Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.

Even though we can not control how our children will be when they reach the doors of their adulthood, we can and should train them in the light of the Word of God, praying for them and with them, and shaping their lives through our example. God has given us a great reward that comes with a great responsibility. Parenting is not easy, but it is without a doubt the most enjoyable and pleasant job we can do.

Returning to Psalm 127, Solomon presents to us an image of our children. He says that they are like arrows and that through them we extend ourselves in life. They will do what we could not do. In this month that we have talked about impact, I believe that the greatest impact we can leave on this earth is the impact we have on our children. Will you pray for them and with them today?

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